Y'all, what if not caring about other's opinion is a catalyst to loving them better, instead of an excuse to be a jerk to them?
"I just don't care what other people think about me." Have you said it? Or heard it said before? Have you heard it said to justify something? *SHOVES DONUT INTO FACE* "Oh I don't care what people think." *GETS INTO WORTHLESS FACEBOOK ARGUMENT* "It's fine, they can hate me, I don't care!" *TREATS SOMEONE INCREDIBLY POORLY, JUST BECAUSE THEY TREATED US POORLY TO BEGIN WITH* "Yeah, I may be a b****, good thing I don't care what people think!" Y'all, what if not caring about other's opinion is a catalyst to loving them better, instead of an excuse to be a jerk to them?
I want you to think about those people who you know who are just impossible to dislike. They love Jesus, are always kind, speak in a Disney Princess voice at all times, and just sprinkle good vibes wherever they go. I used to hate these people. I mean, I was nasty about them (behind their backs, of course.) WHY couldn't I be rainbows and sunshine everyday? Why did God make them unicorns and me a rhino? But I had an epiphany, being a unicorn is a freakin' choice. People who are always bright rays of shine DON'T like everyone they encounter. They choose to treat them with respect and love, even though they disagree with them. This seems like an elementary concept, but hear me out.
For the longest time, I would justify my petty behavior with the phrase, "I don't care what other people think about me." Because in all reality, I DID CARE. I cared so much when I would put my everything into something and people would be hateful or caddy towards me. I cared so much that other people thought I was fat or thought I was "too much." So how did I handle that? I was passive aggressive and tacky back. But y'all, tacky behavior does not, will not ever combat tacky behavior. Let me say it slower and louder so the people in the back can hear it.... being tacky BACK to someone who was previously tacky towards you does not solve the problem. So what do us mere mortals, who were not born with pixie dust farts and kindness snot do? We work extra hard to not respond to pettiness with more pettiness.
Let me go back to my comment before, being a unicorn is a choice. If we're being honest, if you're living your life to the fullest, using your resources, and tapping into the best part of yourself, THERE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE PUSHBACK. Why do we take it so personally? That's just silly. You know that preteen phrase you screamed at your mom when she asked you if you wanted tacos or spaghetti for dinner? You know the one I'm talking about! "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY LIFE!!!" What if we took that phrase and flipped it to work for our benefit. If you're hustling or doing what you love and you get a snotty look, don't be angry. They just don't understand, and it's never going to be your job to make them. And that's perfectly okay. If you're super passionate about basket weaving and you walk into a room thick with gossip that you know was about you, don't get upset. They don't understand. That's okay. We let people and lies rob us of so much happiness. So choose, choose to be a unicorn. You don't have to be a rhino.
Is it easier said than done? Absolutely. I still battle it. Here's what I've found works for me:
1. Find the good:
I think of everything in teacher terms. Typically, there's at least one or two kids in a class who test your patience. Somedays it's REALLY hard to find likable traits about them, especially when I know they hate me in return. (lol) I make myself find SOMETHING. Even if it's something as simple as their legible handwriting that day. Then, I repeat that positive thought in my head over and over again. So, when they're a turd to me, I have at least one positive thing I can say to them. Is it awkward when a student yells out, "nobody cares!" during a lesson and I simply respond, "you have great handwriting!!" Yes, but it keeps me from losing my cool and letting it ruin my day.
2. Accept that people won't dig everything you do:
Truly "not caring" what other people think means pursuing what you love, regardless of other peoples thoughts about it AND not taking their thoughts too personally. I can control me. That's it. So, I'm gonna keep working towards my goals, be nice to everyone, and let the Big Man take care of the rest.
3. Find your tribe:
It might not be the people you work with. It might not be the ladies you go to church with. It doesn't matter where they come from, what they look like, or what they do for a living. All that matters is that you have cheerleaders in your life telling you how great you are, how you're going to reach your goals, and dropping the occasional truth bomb when you need it. Those are the thoughts you take to heart, those are the people whose opinions you value, not the others. Not the random instagram trolls. Find the people you can trust, vent to, and walk with- it makes handling the haters a lot easier.
I think people who truly don't care about what other people think are the nicest people. They're the most successful, easiest to be around, and most fun to talk to. Don't hide your insecurity by saying you don't care what people think, when you actually care too much. Choose to be a freakin' unicorn and actually not care.